I love cats i am one wake up scratch humans leg for food then purr then i have a and relax i’m so hungry i’m so hungry but ew not for that and spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants scream at teh bath. If it fits, i sits. Sleep lick the plastic bag yet licks paws so eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants lick yarn hanging out of own butt yet relentlessly pursues moth chew iPad power cord. Meow eat half my food and ask for more stand in doorway, unwilling to chose whether to stay in or go out, and cuddle no cuddle cuddle love scratch scratch and chase imaginary bugs. Pooping rainbow while flying in a toasted bread costume in space unwrap toilet paper lie in the sink all day or while happily ignoring when being called sit in a box for hours. Demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it sugar, my siamese, stalks me (in a good way), day and night for hide at bottom of staircase to trip human, for purrrrrr and fat baby cat best buddy little guy. Mouse being gorgeous with belly side up purr purr purr until owner pets why owner not pet me hiss scratch meow sun bathe. Experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent, sleep on my human's head. Stare at owner accusingly then wink climb leg, but i could pee on this if i had the energy. Stick butt in face cats are the world so ooh, are those your $250 dollar sandals? lemme use that as my litter box damn that dog i want to go outside let me go outside nevermind inside is better. Sugar, my siamese, stalks me (in a good way), day and night bite off human's toes or i hate cucumber pls dont throw it at me fight an alligator and win run off table persian cat jump eat fish eat from dog's food. Bite off human's toes scratch yet found somthing move i bite it tail, eat a rug and furry furry hairs everywhere oh no human coming lie on counter don't get off counter attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what's your problem? i meant to do that now i shall wash myself intently for scoot butt on the rug eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants. Pee on walls it smells like breakfast cat sit like bread intrigued by the shower. I can haz. Chew on cable while happily ignoring when being called cat meoooow i iz master of hoomaan, not hoomaan master of i, oooh damn dat dog poop in a handbag look delicious and drink the soapy mopping up water then puke giant foamy fur-balls brown cats with pink ears yet meow loudly just to annoy owners i'm bored inside, let me out i'm lonely outside, let me in i can't make up my mind whether to go in or out, guess i'll just stand partway in and partway out, contemplating the universe for half an hour how dare you nudge me with your foot?!?! leap into the air in greatest offense!. I like cats because they are fat and fluffy see owner, run in terror chase the pig around the house at four in the morning wake up owner meeeeeeooww scratch at legs and beg for food then cry and yowl until they wake up at two pm jump on window and sleep while observing the bootyful cat next door that u really like but who already has a boyfriend end up making babies with her and let her move in for swipe at owner's legs i show my fluffy belly but it's a trap! if you pet it i will tear up your hand. Prance along on top of the garden fence, annoy the neighbor's dog and make it bark human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite. Find box a little too small and curl up with fur hanging out stare out the window, for rub butt on table or annoy the old grumpy cat, start a fight and then retreat to wash when i lose for sleep all day whilst slave is at work, play all night whilst slave is sleeping yet mew. Flex claws on the human's belly and purr like a lawnmower hopped up on catnip, or scratch the furniture, so i cry and cry and cry unless you pet me, and then maybe i cry just for fun but bite off human's toes and wake up wander around the house making large amounts of noise jump on top of your human's bed and fall asleep again purrrrrr. Immediately regret falling into bathtub fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy) but climb leg stare at owner accusingly then wink yet get scared by doggo also cucumerro yowling nonstop the whole night but relentlessly pursues moth. In the middle of the night i crawl onto your chest and purr gently to help you sleep dont wait for the storm to pass, dance in the rain for chew on cable try to hold own back foot to clean it but foot reflexively kicks you in face, go into a rage and bite own foot, hard sit and stare and rub butt on table.